3 hours of worshiping God in the middle of the night, being soaked in His presence right where I was, in bed, was not what I had expected. But those 3 hours were what I needed. In the 3 hours God simply renewed me, brought out the past, the failures, the weariness, everything I held on to for so long, God took it all out, and put His signature on it. In the midst of all the questioning, all the doubts, all the confusion, all the loneliness, all the brokenness, a whisper, "Be still." For too long I've been holding on to so much, and it's all accumulated, too much, all the anger, all the hurt, everything. It's been too long since I took refuge in my God. It's been such a long time since I allowed Him to embrace me. It's been too long since I've allowed Him to tell me how much He loves me. For too long I've ran with my own strength.

Many times, when God calls you to surrender something big, something so important, it requires so much of you. For 2 years God's been calling me to surrender, yet time and again I've ran away. I refused to surrender. I kept trying to deceive myself that it wasn't God, that it was just me. When God said, "Trust me", my faith was shaken. Still I continued running away, I tried to hide, but God caught me, and time and again He said 2 simple words, "Trust me". It wasn't about the issue of believing that God knew best, it was about the issue of doing the things that came with that belief. Surrender was a no-no, I knew if I surrendered a big part of me would be gone, I would be 'incomplete'. I cried out, "Why?!", and the whisper came, "You don't have to know why, you only need to know how." Basically there was no running away. Sometimes what seems so right can be so wrong.

Surrender. Now I know. How painful, how empty it leaves you, how desperate it causes you to be. Yet in the midst of all this, I know that my redeemer lives. I know that His grace is more than sufficient for me. I know that when Jesus gave his life for me, he expected me to do the same for the Father. And I also know that through this, God is my healer, He'll patch up the holes, fill the emptiness, meet my needs, satisfy my wants, piece the brokenness, bury the doubts, resurrect the faith, raise the hope and above all, be the Lord of lords, Jehovah-Jireh, Jehovah-Rophe, Jehovah-Nissi, Jehovah-Rohi.

To where else can I go? Only to the Father, who makes all things new.
In what can I put my hope? Only in the Lamb, who is worthy of all praise.
On what can I base my confidence on? Only on the Father, who holds my life in the palm of His hand.

'And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying,"Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain." So God granted him what he requested.' (1Chronicles4:10)


Jesus I am thirsty
Won’t You come and fill me?
Earthly things have left me dry
Only You can satisfy
All I want is more of You

All I want is more of You
All I want is more of You
Nothing I desire Lord
But more of You
More of You